Why don’t people RSVP?

Call me detailed, call me old-fashioned, but when I get an invitation to an event, especially one that asks me to RSVP by a certain date, I make sure I let the host(s) know whether or not I will be able to attend.  And although I’ve only been a guest at one wedding in my adult life, I naturally assume it’s a given that with something so costly as a reception, the couple hosting wants to have an idea how much of their life savings (or their parents’) will go toward funding the food, decorations, and whatnot to celebrate the joyous occasion.

Going by the experience of my own upcoming nuptials, I see that not everyone thinks it’s a big deal to RSVP, even though the wedding invitations clearly state to do so by a particular time.  I’ve tried to make it easy on potential guests by asking them to either phone me or my fiance to RSVP; if they don’t feel like talking to us, they can simply e-mail.  Apparently, that’s too much of an effort for some people.  One of my guests, who I assumed was not attending since she didn’t say anything, told me she thought the only people who needed to RSVP were the ones who weren’t coming.  That cleared my confusion about her asking me some time earlier whether I have a registry (I wondered what was the point of her knowing if she wasn’t attending).

I realize people are busier than they’ve been in the past with jobs, families, and activities.  I understand that time is a precious commodity these days.  Seriously though, are 2 minutes too long to grab the phone or whip up a short e-mail stating, “yes, we will attend,” or “no, we will not attend”?  Maybe some people just don’t understand the concept of RSVP.  Maybe some people are afraid of responding too early and being the first and only guests to come.  Maybe some people are just following the recent trend of societal rudeness.  I don’t know.

What I do know, however, is that hosts appreciate having an accurate count of attendees in order to have the right amount of everything.  Just today I read on one bridal website about a bride who had invited and prepared for 80 guests only to have 30 show up.  She rented a venue that was too large and spent more than she should have on food that went to waste.  And needless to say, it was sad for her to have so many empty tables.  So, if anyone invited to my wedding (and you know who you are) hasn’t yet given an RSVP, please do so ASAP so this bride can feel a little calmer during what is already a stressful time.  Why can’t people just take a moment to be considerate and do the right thing?

Why, indeed.